Thursday, December 31, 2009

Welcome... To the World of Tomorrow!

In less than 24 hours (that's a full day for you Rhodes Scholars out there) it will be the year of our lord 2010. Just to give you some perspective, the Jetsons took place in the year 2062.

Tragically, anyone who remembers the Jetsons well enough to be waiting for Robotic Maids and flying cars that fold into easy to tote suitcases (and really, this should be everyone) will surely be dead before these great scientific milestones can be achieved.

Additionally, Suicide booths.

Which according to Futurama were invented in 2008. Which is now, as of tomorrow fully two years ago. Zounds.

That's right, ladies and germs. We are living in the god-damned future. Although, honestly, I feel like a lot of magnitude of this has been lifted by the fact that now that we're in the future, it's the present. Which, is truly depressing, this means the future is always a couple of years off. Because of our rigidly defined concepts of how "time" works, we'll never get to see awesome shit like this:


Maybe the key to time travel is simply not understanding how time works. Maybe if men and women long dead hadn't used the first sundials to keep track of when they had to move their rocks to their other rocks, we could all be living in a world of personal space shuttles and sexy flying saucer women.

Oh, what could have been.

Friday, December 18, 2009

One Piece: Unlimited Adventure Review



The Straw Hat Crew sets sale for adventure on the high siis, but can this ship navigate the treacherous waters of the Grand Line, or should this dinghy have stayed at the port?

Unlimited Adventure is a video game based on the hugely popular (in Japan at very least) anime/manga series, One Piece, the basic plot of which involves a young man named Luffy who dreams of becoming the world's greatest pirate and finding a legendary treasure. Unfortunately for him he's eaten a cursed "Devil Fruit" which causes him to sink like a rock in water and be unable to swim (which, for an aspiring seaman (hee-hee) is actually quite a hindrance) in exchange for the power to stretch like rubber. Along the way, he makes new friends, each of whom have their own dream they are trying to see come through (as well as their own atypical method of kicking ass(in Sanji's case quite literally)), and battles a number of bizarre enemies.

The franchise tanked in the US, mostly due to the terrible 4kids dub, not to mention the heavy editing they imposed on it. The poor time slot likely didn't help. Despite these problems holding it back the series has still maintained some popularity in the states due to the manga, and since it was cancelled Funimation has picked it up to try and reverse some of the damage 4kids did with a new, direct to DVD dud.

At any rate, the first thing you'll notice about Unlimited Adventure is that it looks quite nice. The textures, admittedly, are a bit dated but the characters themselves look good, and they all are animated in ways that fans of the series or comics will deem accurate. Thing's like Usopp's silly looking angled-armed run and Luffy's arms stretching out in preparation for a Gum-Gum Bazooka are really interesting looking, and you can tell the animators put a lot of time and effort into making these characters move and feel like they're supposed to. Oda's art style translates surprisingly well to three dimensions, and it truly does feel like you're exploring the World of One Piece.

The plot is mostly fluff. It starts with Luffy discovering a generically mysterious Orb, which reveals a desert island. The Straw Hats crash on shore and are separated from one another. As they meet back up, the begin to travel around the island, at first trying to find their ship, and eventually attempting to free and defeat a demon, because they're just that damn hardcore. The key to freeing this demon is in a bunch of sealed stones, which when activated, briefly cause the Straw Hats to relive a past experience, which leads to a boss battle against a major enemy or friend from the show/comic. There's also something about a new annoying side character being lonely or some shit, but the major draw here is getting to see these old scenes from the anime in the cool looking CGI. It doesn't hurt that the new Funimation voice cast is leaps and bounds ahead of the 4kids cast (although, admittedly, that isn't saying much), including Sonny Strait (Krillin) as Usopp, which I think most fans feel is pretty appropriate.

Throughout the game, players will fight against hordes of Marines, Pirates and some sort of Robot/Heartless Rip-offs to get to the penultimate confrontation with the beast that had been sealed away. Any of the eight current Straw Hats are available to play as, but there are really only a few you'd want to. As stated above, each character fights in a very unique way. Sanji, for example, uses a martial art composed entirely of kicks, while Robin, with the ability to generate any part of her body anywhere, generally produces hands and uses submission holds. Obviously, some characters are more useful than others, and it's not surprising that players are going to gravitate more towards the canonically more powerful characters (Luffy, Zoro, Sanji) to do most of the heavy lifting as they're not only more fun to play as, but more effective.

Interestingly, the games leveling system doesn't give each character a specific level, but awards a numbered level to each specific attack the character has. The attacks gain experience with use, and new attacks and upgrades are unlocked as the old ones level up. It's not advisable to focus on just one character, though, because it's likely you'll find yourself relying on you're lesser used Pirates to get you out of sticky situations. Additionally, the game has devised a clever way of getting the player to avoid using the same attacks over and over again: A column appears to the right on the HUD during combat with a list of attacks that the player needs to perform (in any order). Once down to the last one on the list, it becomes a "Break Shot" an absurdly powerful variation of the original, that not only sends those hit with it bouncing about the screen, but explodes them into a bunch of special power and health orbs. Once again, truly helpful in a pinch.

Also contained within is a fairly robust multi-player mode, wherein any character defeated in the story-line is unlocked for use in head to head combat. Finally, fans can know who would win in a fight between Mr. 2 and Red-Haired Shanks!


Now onto the bad parts. Taking away from what could have otherwise been one of the best video-game adaptions of an anime is the way the game artificially extends itself. The Orb Luffy discovers is necessary for progress in the game, it opens new areas and and occasionally and dramatically alters the landscape of the island. Unfortunately, for it to do these things, it needs "Orb Power", which is created by sacrificing a lot of the shit you find lying around the island. Lumber, animals, plants, bugs, you name it, it's going into the orb. Particularly frustrating is the limited amount of storage space available to players, and the fact that sometimes to activate the orb, a specific item is needed intact (which is to say, not as Orb Power) in your inventory. Frequently, I would power up the orb and move forward, only to find that the next Orb Point required me to have an item I'd just converted to power. What this leads to is a exercise in controller destroying frustration. Your fun quirky action game is now a glorified scavenger hunt which would be bad enough, never mind the fact that often times, the necessary items are not only in separate areas, but frequently need to be combined to be generated at all. Another minor gripe is the way the game chugs sometimes when a lot of enemies are on screen. It's nothing super bad, but it's visibly noticeable, and when you're already pissed about having to go all the way back to Cave area to find a volcanic rock so you can make some progress in the mountain area, it's more than enough to make the game a bad choice when in the presence of children.

I'm a bit bias here. I'm a pretty big fan of the One Piece comic, and I recognize that if it wasn't for my enjoyment of these characters a lot of the things I said here wouldn't be acceptable, but the combat is fun and the world is lush and the bottom line here is that if you're a fan of this franchise at all you're probably going to be able to look past the games flaws for the opportunity to go Gear 2nd.

SCORE FOR ONE PIECE FANS: 4/5

SCORE FOR EVERYONE ELSE: 2/5

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to got catch an ice lizard and dig up a volcanic rock so I can unlock my car door.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

What Happens Next?

If anybody has any ideas, please tell me. I'm spent.

-The Management