Sunday, February 28, 2010

[TITLE]

I'm in a bad mood.

What I was originally going to do was to write something meaningful and introspective. A deep look into my feelings and insecurities. The sort of thing that would make me feel like a bitch later, and ultimately get deleted in little over hour, pulled from the tubes in a moment of shame, hopefully before anyone could see it.

I know this scenario pretty well, because, hell, I've done it before. In fact, as recently as December, I'd kept a personal Journal on my computer where I bitched and moaned about various things. If you were to read it now, you'd be under the impression nothing good had ever happened to me once throughout the course of my life. It's embarrassing and I'm probably going to delete it after I finish writing this entry. Here's an example, one of the entries from the journal:

Entry 19

Tuesday, September 29th , 2009

I don’t even feel like writing anymore.

I’m fucking horrible at math and I’m going to disappoint my parents…

-1:28 AM

That was last semester of school. Back then, I was convinced I was going to flunk my first ever college math course, but do you know what happened? I didn't. I passed it and moved onto the next part of the course, which I will also not fail. That's right. That's damn right.

Bottom line is this: Right now I feel insecure. Unlikeable. Boring. Stupid. Ugly. Fat. Not to mention every other stupid bad awful thing a person can feel about themselves. These things happen. These feelings come in waves. What's good to know is, that in all likely-hood, tomorrow I won't feel this way.

And what's more? I won't have a reason to then, either.

-The Management

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

We Are Very Busy People

This song pretty well sums up our generation. Whether this is depressing or inspiring is sort of left up to you.


It's depressing, just in case you needed help.

Lyrics are as follows. Go on about your day, my busy people.

We'll end up numb from playing video games
and we'll get sick of having sex.
And we'll get fat from eating candy;
as we drink ourselves to death.
We'll stay up late
mixing mix tapes,
photoshopping pictures of ourselves;
as we masterbate to these pixelated images
of strangers fucking themselves.

We are very busy people,
We are very busy people.

There's crusty socks
and stacks of pizza boxes
leading trails straight to the bed.
And when we're done sleeping
we'll stay busy dreaming of the things
that we do not have yet.
Well there's a long list of chores and shit to do
before we play, oh let's just piss away the day.
Crank call the cops down at the station,
just for friendly conversation,
requesting songs they never play;
Let's hear the one that goes like:

We are very busy people,
We are very busy people;
But we've always got time for new friends.
So come on over and knock on our door,
it's open what you waiting for?
We may be sprawled out on the floor,
but we still make lovely company.
Pull up a chair, I'll pour some tea,
We'll shoot the shit, 'bout everything,
till you get sick of politics,
and flip on the TV screen,
we stare at the TV screen.
That Donnie Darko DVD has been playing for a week,
and we know every single word.
I got an iPod like a pirate ship,
I'll sail the sea
with fifty thousand songs I never heard-
And all the best of them go
La la la la la la...
la la la la la la...

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

No More Heroes 2 Review


Hopeless anime nerd/violent sociopath (two personality types that, let's be honest here folks, are virtually inseparable) Travis Touchdown is back for more blood-shed in the sequel to the 2008 sleeper hit No More Heroes and the result is a satisfying (sometimes redundant) if short-lived thrill.

I was a huge fan of the original No More Heroes, as were a few other people I know. There was a lot of appeal to the game. It was charming, stylish, and though the gameplay was solid, the over-world and sub-games caused it to suffer a bit. To be truthful, loving the No More Heroes series also has another secret bonus. You know what it's like when you love a band that none of your friends, really, actually know about? Yeah? That vague feeling of superiority when you tell them about this great, awesome thing and they just say, "What?" NMH is the video-game equivalent of that.

Failing in Japan for having been developed with a Western audience in mind, the original came state-side and tanked here as well. It's a testament to the developers adoration of the characters and world that the game ever got a sequel at all. Developer Suda51 is known for pushing style over substance (evident in his first(?) game Killer 7) and sometimes that doesn't make up for the lacking areas in game play but I was more than willing to over-look the originals flaws (a crummy over world and some boring mini-games) for it's fantastic sense of style and over the top beam-katana boss-fights.

NMH2 takes place three years after the original ends. At the end of NMH the United Assassin's Association [UAA] was revealed to have beeen a scam by Sylvia to trick violent, sexually frustrated, down on their luck losers (Travis) into killing a bunch of strangers in exchange for a fake ranking and a sense of accomplishment, netting her a hefty sum of cash in the process. Travis has "retired" from assassination, and returns to Santa Destroy three years later to find the UAA has exploded since his departure into a legitimate organization, and Sylvia is again pulling the strings. Throw in some dead friends and another promise of sex and Travis is off to fight his way the top again starting at Rank 51.

One of the most notable things about the game is the presentation. There are some very extreme shadows that have turned some of the people I know off to the game, but over-all it looks a great deal better than the original. The world of No More Heroes is one of a fanciful sort of grit. If Quentin Tarantion directed a vide-game it would be like this. The over the top violent-almost-to-the-point-of-parody flavor that exists within the game is one of the hooking features, along with the writing which walks the line between cheesy and bad-ass so perfectly one wonders how it doesn't fall to either side.

The first thing to note about the game itself is that it's quite deceptive about it's content. The back of the case boasts that, "Starting from Rank 51," Players will, "fight their way through even more epic boss battles," The implication here clearly being that there are 50 boss battles in the game. NMH2 however, argues semantics in the leagues of your most anal high school English teacher, however, with a number of ways for Travis to jump up literally tens of ranks in single confrontations. One early example involves a Football player assassin named Charlie who's cheerleader groupies swarm together to form a giant robot... Yeah... Travis, using his own giant robot, blows up Charlie only to find out that the Cheerleaders were also on the list and he has just jumped 26 ranks.
Suda 51: Problem, video-gamers?

It gets so bad late in the game that Travis actually starts to complain about other people taking his kills.

Gameplay is much the same as the original. Travis will fight his way through a series of enemies (finishing each with either a wagglan beam-katana finisher, or a wrestling move) finally coming to a confrontation with the person a rank above what he currently is, pithy conversation, fight, rinse, repeat. One welcome addition is that of a few more basic enemies (of which the game has about three) and, thankfully, new environments to explore. It seemed like 90% of the first game's missions took place in an abandoned warehouse, but the environments on display in Desperate Struggle are much more varied and help to keep the game fresh. Still, some may find repetition setting in, especially in some of the of the later levels. One can only cut a man in half at the torso so many times before it becomes a nuisance. The best levels are the ones that are short and sweet, and thankfully, many are.

Two of the biggest complaints about the original NMH were the boring sandbox-hub and the mundane mini-games needed to earn cash for ranking fights. This time around the sandbox apsects have been removed entirely, replaced with a tidy map selection system and the hum-drum mini-games have been replaced by 8-bit mock-ups of classic games, like Super Hang-On and a hybrid Pac-Man/Dig-Dug thing. Because it no longer costs to enter ranking fights, you can play these games at your leisure and spend the money earned on new weapons, new clothes, or character upgrades.

No More Heroes: Desperate Struggle is a game that tackles every problem it predecessor had and improves minutely on the good aspects. The characters, artistic direction and writing are all top-notch, but the game suffers from a bit repetition in it's late levels and, for a game essentially all about boss battles, the final one is pretty weak. Still, it's insanely stylish, and, simply put is a fun ride from beginning to end, and really, that's all one can ask from a game.

VAGUE NUMERICAL SCORE FOR LAZY READERS: 4.5/5