Yes, that's right, Wife Swap. For those unfamiliar with the premise of the show, please, allow us to explain: Two families from startlingly different backgrounds are brought together to change wives for two weeks. For the first week, the new wives must live by the rules of the new family, in the following week the wives get to change the rules to their liking, and the new family must abide by them. Generally, this means that a well-to-do liberal, but obscenely strict wife who would rather lock her children in a cellar than let them interact with the opposite sex trades places with a wife from a poor, conservative family that believes that woman should remain in the kitchen and who's children already have children of their own. At age 12. The two families follow the rules for two weeks and one of two possible outcomes is eventually reached, 1) they learn their lesson, and make changes to their lives accordingly, or 2) they learn nothing from the experience and openly insult the other family on national television.
Of course, this is just generally how it plays out. Sometimes it gets mixed up a bit. Here's a few of my favorite Special Cases
-a family of clowns
-a family of wizards
-a family of alien hunters
-a family that refuses to cook any of it's food
-a husband that would rather wake board and jet ski than spend time with his kids. So he does.
Please note that, in the episode with the clowns, one of the rules was that they go to a talent agency where they are told they are failures as clowns. Top scientists have been working 'round the clock here at the Meaningless Meandering Institute of Higher Knowledge (MMHK) to confirm the theory that, yes, this was in fact the only thing funny thing that has ever happened involving a clown.
Our favorite part of the show is how it (no doubt through COPIOUS editing) shows us both sides of a debate as ignorant, argumentative and stupid. Truthfully, there has never been a likable participant of the show. From the carnies who teach their children "physics" by taking them on the tilt-a-whirl rather than putting them in school, hyper-religious zealots who's daughters, at 19, pray for a husband rather than date, to the man who outright tells his step-daughter he doesn't love her on national television, it's truly and simply a parade of horrible and stupid individuals, and we hear at the Institute will be god-damned if that doesn't make for darn good television. One must wonder, with the way EVERY. SINGLE. PARTICIPANT. Is portrayed so negatively how new ones are so constantly found, but I submit to you, dear reader, that we as America are not at a loss for stupid people who want to get on television. Not by a long shot. In fact, one could easily argue that the majority of America consists of stupid people who would embarrass themselves to be on television.
That's right, you heard (read?) correctly. If Wife Swap is nothing but stupid, horrible people, and American is nothing but stupid, horrible people then I submit to you, dear reader, that Wife Swap IS America.
If A=B and B=C, then once can assume that A=C.
Wife Swap the single most patriotic anything that has ever existed.
As our final argument for the show, we've decided to let it speak for itself.
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