My Brush With Death

Today my computer got a virus.

I wish there was some way to put a positive spin on it, but there isn't. It got a virus, and it was horrifying. I was trying to download the new Mountain Goats album and a little bit of carelessness got me saddled with a Trojan, a Worm, and a plain, old-fashioned Virus. I put my torrent into the queue a was very promptly met with the vocalization, "NEW VIRUS DETECTED". I brushed it off initially as so many of us do, but my screen started flickering, making weird crackling noises and letting me know that I could be sued because my PC was being used as a spam-bot, I leapt into action.

As I said, the first thing my protection software did was alert me to the presence of the Virus', (which was helpful indeed, though I doubt I'd have been able to ignore them for long). Unfortunately when I tried to get the software to do something about it it told me I had to purchase the full version of program before I could.

What.

Consider, if you will, that someone has told you outright that they will protect you, and you, secure in this knowledge get yourself into admittedly precarious situations because of the added assurance. Now consider someone wants to punch you in the face repeatedly, but when you go to your body-guard, you are told that, while they are in fact capable of dealing the brutes attacking you, you will need to give them forty dollars before they lift a finger to help. Finally, consider that you are getting the ever-loving shit kicked out of you, and that, during the course of said shit-kicking your "body-guard" intermittently chimes in with, "Hey, there are some dudes punching you," and, "Forty dollars and I'll save your shit." Now you've got a pretty good idea of my situation.

Finally I resolved to just format my hard-drive. It was a annoying, stupid and I lost everything in the process. I don't want to be a douche here, but the after-math could be soundly compared to the Earthquakes in Haiti: Nothing was spared, there is nothing to do but pull myself up by my boot-straps and rebuild. And rebuild I shall. Feel free to send money and food.

It was a learning experience to be certain, and the most important thing I learned is to not use torrents. I should just get my friends to download stuff for me.

-The Management